We're Losing Him
by MorganAnnUchiha
Summary: Love is strong, it can heal the deepest of wounds, bring the greatest happiness, but can it save Sasuke from himself? When he's pushed to his limits he thinks all is hopeless. His family and friends aren't ready to give up on him, but as they go deeper and deeper, learning the secrets and seeing how serious things really are, will they too come to the conclusion that he has?
1. Chapter 1

**Losing Him - Chapter One**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. Ownership goes to Masashi Kishimoto**

**Warning: attempted suicide, acts of selfharm, yaoi, incest, inappropriate language**

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

It was a normal night in the Uchiha household. Madara sat in a overly large chair, a newspaper in his hands, giving the illusion he was reading it, though all occupants of the room knew his attention was on his dark haired lover Izuna who sat on the arm of the chair, letting his body snuggle up against Madara the best that he could. Nearby, Sasuke and Itachi were cuddled up together on the couch, they had decided to spend some family time watching a movie and though that movie still played on the large tv mounted to the wall neither paid attention, they were lost in each other. All was quiet for a long time, the Uchiha's simply enjoying the ability to just be, no expectations, no specific ways, they were free when together. That was likely how they managed to peacefully live together so long.

None of them would ever want to say anything against Mikoto and Fugaku's parenting, but it was common knowledge how inattentive they truly were, which often had led to rebelliousness (mainly from Sasuke) and so eventually the Uchiha parents had simply given up and thrust their children upon Madara and Izuna. That had been two years ago and they had always been happy with the way things had turned out.

The silence was interrupted as Sasuke rose from his position on the couch, letting a small amused smile grace his face as he noticed the disappointment coming from Itachi. Itachi had always treasured the moments when they could simply be in one another's arms, even more so than Sasuke did. "I love you." Sasuke said softly, directed towards everyone in the room, more so than just Itachi, not that any had noticed the difference. As he made his trek from the couch towards the stairs nearby, he let his hand brush softly against both Madara and Izuna's faces as he passed. It was a brief but meaningful moment to he, though Madara and Izuna saw nothing of it as Sasuke would often make these small actions and had always been more expresive of his feelings through physical acts rather than verbal.

Itachi watched his brother go, slightly disappointed but he believed his younger brother would be back soon. It was almost a tradition for the four Uchihas to spend some time together in the evenings. Not that they really needed to seeing as most of their days were spent in each other's presence as well, but that was a fact they ignored as their times together were treasured to all. Some found it odd how close the family was, but the Uchihas paid that no mind and those who were closer to them and more aware of the situations, didn't mind it or simply said nothing about it.

* * *

Elsewhere, a blonde boy was running his fastest, panting and completely out of breath but he forced himself to keep going. It was a lot of pressure but he knew if he stopped, or even slowed it might ensure the loss of a life. A life so precious to him that even as he ran, pushing his body to it's physical limits, he found tears flowing freely on his cheeks. Although he was a very expressive person, free with his emotions and always making sure people were aware of how he felt, it normally wasn't sadness or fear as it was now. It wasn't a normal circumstance though.

As he ran the cold wind bit harshly against his exposed skin, but this made no difference to him, if anything it only gave him more incentive to get where he was going (not that he really needed it) as he was already more motivated than he had ever been in his life.

A small wave of relief washed through him as he saw the large home on the corner, the place he was headed for, but still, he didn't slow nor did he let himself get too excited. The door to the Uchiha's home was locked, which bothered Naruto greatly, he didn't have the time to spare and he knew it. His fist pounded loudly and repeatedly on the door, not letting up in the slightest until the door was opened to reveal the man he knew was Madara Uchiha. "Is Sasuke here?" He demanded in a loud voice.

The Elder Uchiha, not noticing Naruto's state of panic or the tears on the young boys cheeks simply gave him an unimpressed look and stated, "Well, hello to you as well, Naruto. It's nice to see you." Naruto, not one to normally ignore manners simply gave a frustrated yell and pushed past the older man, not sparing one look towards Izuna and Itachi who both now stood watching the scene between Madara and Naruto. Curiously, the three confused Uchihas followed the young blonde up the stairs - Madara being sure to close the front door behind him again, praying no one else was going to come barging in.

When they were upstairs they now found Naruto banging obnoxiously on another door, now Sasuke's rather than the Uchiha's front door. "Naruto, what is the meaning of this?" Madara stated, clearly not approving of Naruto's erratic behaviour. Naruto ignored him completely, continuing to knock and yell. The three Uchihas didn't find it odd the way Sasuke seemed to be ignoring his blonde friend, he often would do this when he wasn't in the mood for company.

Naruto dropped to his knees, his forehead coming to rest against the locked door separating him from his friend who he knew needed him right now, even if Sasuke himself didn't know it. Fearing the worst, Naruto tried desperately to come up with a way to get inside, finally he settled on simply breaking the door down, since Sasuke was either ignoring him or he was incapable of opening the door. Rising to his feet, Naruto took a few steps back, lashing out with his foot, a resounding thud sounding and a splintering noise as the door almost gave way under his force.

Madara had always been seen as head of household, which made it his duty to move towards the young blonde, who they all assumed was having some sort of breakdown and attempt to pull him back, preventing damage, only the blonde wasn't having this, he pushed the older man back from him, not caring that he had nearly caused him to fall. Had Itachi and Izuna not been there to keep him up, he would have. They both were unimpressed with Naruto's current actions, but did nothing against it because they knew when the young boy had himself worked up into a state such as this, he was on a mission and would stop at nothing. Itachi vaguely wondered why it was so important to Naruto that he see his brother but didn't bother giving it much interest, he assumed it was something dumb, as it tended to be with the immature boy.

Naruto repeated his earlier action against the door, letting an excited cry leave his lips as the door flew in, giving him access. His eyes roamed around the room, not seeing the one he was looking for. His frustration and fear returning, he moved towards the door to Sasuke's bathroom, thankfully this door was unlocked. He threw it open, expecting to see something bad but nothing could truly prepare him for the scene he saw in front of him. On his knees was Sasuke hunched over the edge of the bathtub, one arm stretched out in front of him, covered with a dark liquid, while the other hung loosely at his side, his hand still slutching tightly at a small object.

Although he knew it, Naruto didn't want to acknowledge at all that the liquid he saw was blood, he did't want to acknowledge that Sasuke had a razor clutched within his hand. But he had to so he did. And when he did, with that acknowledgement he let out a pained scream, flinging himself forward, cradling the youngest Uchiha against him, his voice hoarse and broken as he pleaded desperately for him to say something, or even just open his eyes. Behind him there were three gasps of horror and then hushed whispers. Naruto spared one glance behind him to see Madara with a phone up to his ear, before his eyes returned to Sasuke's form, noticing the way his skin was paler than even his usual Uchiha paleness, seeing how although the dark haired boy was breathing, it was shallow, slow and uneven. His eyes couldn't help but go to Sasuke's wounds again, wincing as he wondered how the fuck that much blood could have come from him. Was there even that much within one body?

Naruto's body shook with sobs as he continued speaking to Sasuke though he was getting no response. Behind him Naruto could hear slow but deliberate foot steps then a small thud, like someone just hadn't been able to make it there and had fell to their knees, Itachi he assumed. Moments later the sound of sirens met his ears and he was thankful Madara had the quick thought to call for help, the rest of them were far too engaged with Sasuke. Soon enough there were footsteps thundering up the stairs and Madara's voice calling out, "This way, he's in here." Next he felt someone trying to pry him off of Sasuke and although he knew he needed to let go so the paramedics could give Sasuke the help he needed, Naruto couldn't bring himself to release him.

"Naruto!" Madara said in a low but fierce voice, his wants clear. It was an order to let Sasuke go, and surprisingly for the first time that evening, Naruto had listened to Madara.

* * *

It was the next morning. Naruto was inside the hospital, sitting in an uncomfortable chair next to Sasuke who was laying on the one bed in the room, which Naruto was happy for. The Uchihas could afford a private room where as most wouldn't be able to. If Sasuke had to be in the hospital, Naruto was happy he had his privacy.

Although he was exhausted and he knew staying awake all night would help nothing, he'd done it, too scared to close his eyes in fear that as soon as he did, he'd lose Sasuke. Although the night earlier, Itachi and Izuna had been adamnant about staying there the night to watch over Sasuke as Naruto was, Madara had eventually managed to give them good enough reason to head home for a night of rest, promising to return with them the next day. It was noon now, still no sign of them. Could Sasuke's relationship with his family really been as perfect as Naruto had believed? He guessed not, afterall, Sasuke had tried to kill himself... even if it had happened Naruto hated to think it. It hurt him. And though Naruto had been aware of the Uchiha's inner turmoil for a while he had never quite been able to figure out what the cause was.

Naruto shook his head, deciding it didn't matter what exactly it was that pushed his dark haired, fair skinner friend over the edge, he just knew he would be fixing it if he could, but if he couldn't... Well, Sasuke wouldn't be leaving the world alone.

* * *

Itachi rose from his bed, exiting his room, he froze then. His door was at the end of the hallway and if he was to get to the stairs he'd have to pass by Sasuke's door. To be honest, he wasn't ready for even something as simple as that, he wasn't ready for anything to do with Sasuke. He still hadn't processed what happened. Was it selfish? Maybe. But so was what Sasuke had tried to do. The one thing that got to Itachi, there hadn't been a note, no goodbye, nothing. Could Sasuke really have just left him like that? If he loved him the way he claimed, how could he do that?

Though he had been dreading passing Sasuke's door he stopped outside of it, unable to resist peering in. He was searching. Any form of goodbye. Even if Sasuke hadn't suceeded, Itachi couldn't handle thinking he had almost been gone without a single notice. At first he couldn't bring himself to go back into his younger brother's room, the previous nights events were too fresh in is mind, but after a few moments of mental preparation he managed it.

Once inside, he searched all the secret little places he knew his brother would hide things. He'd found nothing thus far, only blades, bottles of pills and a ridiculous amount of cocaine. When had his brother turned to drugs and cutting? How had none of them noticed this? How had none of them even noticed there was something wrong? Mikoto and Fugaku may have been unattentive, but this only pushed Itachi to believe he and his uncles were downright selfish. With something like going on in his home and for it to be at this point, Itachi was disgusted.

Finally, Itachi found what he had been searching for. It was clear Sasuke had wanted Itachi to find it, not someone else because only he knew him well enough to find it, at least that was what he thought, but a part of him acknowledged, he didn't know Sasuke at all. He only knew the parts of Sasuke that were obvious, he hadn't been paying attention to his brother for the longest time. A deep frown came over Itachi's face as he forgot these thoughts, instead letting his hands grip the horribly wrinkled page of paper he had found. There were small spots all over the page that Itachi could tell were where tears had dropped.

_Dear family,  
_  
_do you know what it's like to never be perfect? Never be good enough? Of course not. What am I thinking? You're all perfect, respected, admired, praised for everything. I could never be like that. I don't blame you. And you shouldn't blame yourselves either. It's me. It's always been me. I'm just...wrong. The way I look, the way I act, hell, even the way I breathe. It's just not good enough. I don't even deserve the Uchiha name. I realize it now. Mother and father...they weren't giving up on _us_ Itachi, they were giving up on _me_, I just dragged you down with me though you had done no wrong. I'm sorry. But just like they did, I've given up on me too. No matter what though, I love you all. Even with how much I love you though, Izuna, Madara, Itachi, how do I keep on living if I don't love myself? How do I keep living when I don't even deserve the love of my own family? Well...I can't and I won't. Finally, to my friends, the ones who've been there all long, make sure they know... I love them. I know I never said it enough._

~Sasuke  
P.S. Tell Naruto I'm sorry. I tried. But I just couldn't it anymore. It was too hard. Goodbye.

As he read through it, Itachi's heart had broke more and more. How could this have happened? And why had Naruto known more than he? Could it be that Itachi was losing Sasuke? That thought alone managed to bring a tear to his eye. Without even realizing it, for the first time since he was twelve years old, Itachi allowed himself to cry, there in Sasuke's room, the note still in his hands as he curled up on Sasuke's bed breathing in his lingering scent.

* * *

**I'd love to see a review, even if you didn't like it, any sort of feedback is appreciated.**

**-MorganAnnUchiha**


	2. Chapter 2

**We're Losing Him - Chapter Two**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. Ownership goes to Masashi Kishimoto**

**Warning: characters may seem OOC, there is attempted suicide, acts of selfharm, yaoi, incest, inappropriate language**

**I hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

It had been a month since that fateful night when Sasuke had tried to take his own life. He hadn't spoken to anyone since then. Although they all tried their best to get through to him, to convince him to speak to them, he seemed completely unaware of his surroundings.

That wasn't it though. Sasuke was painfully aware of his life around him, how everyone felt, what they wanted and it was all so much pressure, exactly what he didn't need, exactly what was pushing him closer and closer to the edge again. Couldn't they see? Were they blind or did they not care? A sigh left Sasuke's lips. He didn't expect them to understand, he didn't think any of them would, but he still wished they could just leave him to do as he wished - no, it wasn't even a wish, it was a need. A need to end his miserable life.

Rising from his bed, his eyes rested on the closed door to his bathroom. He hadn't entered the room since he came home from the hospital. Sighing again, he exited his bedroom, completely lost in thought as he made his way downstairs and to the kitchen where his Uncle Izuna was making breakfast, as he always did. Today it was french toast, a favorite of Sasuke's, though he barely reacted to it, only giving a glance of slight interest that quickly flickered back to a look of emptiness.

As he seated himself at the table in his usual place, Itachi and Madara entered the kitchen together. Sasuke ignored them, his eyes locked on the glass of water and ice which sat on the other side of the table, watching as the ice within it melted. He imagined himself in the ice. It was his sanity and it was slowing melting away. He almost chuckled at that, darkly amused by his own thoughts, but didn't. If he even made the slightest noise, it would draw the attention of Itachi and Madara, who would then relentlessly hound him.

"Good morning, Sasuke." Madara's voice met his ears. Too late, Sasuke thought a flash of annoyance going through him, though he didn't show it outwardly. How could the man be so aware of every little thing when it came to he, yet be so utterly clueless at the same time?

"How did you sleep?" Itachi questioned, seating himself across from Sasuke, seeming to genuinely want an answer, but Sasuke did and said nothing, he just kept his eyes on the glass. There had been four cubes of ice when he'd began watching it, now there was none. The ice was gone. His sanity was gone. With that thought he made the mistake of letting a twisted little smile grace his features. Itachi caught it, but said nothing because Madara had as well and instantly reacted.

"Care to let us in on what's amusing you?" Sasuke ignored his urge to explain to the man that he was an ignorant fool to assume he was amused by the fact that he was insane. Of course, he couldn't blame Madara, how could the elder have any clue what was going on in the littlest Uchiha's head?

Izuna interrupted Itachi and Madara's scrutinizing of Sasuke by appearing beside the table, placing the french toast down in front of Sasuke. He didn't wait for a thank you, or say anything to the small raven haired boy, he just went off to finish his breakfast preparations. That was something Sasuke was thankful for. Izuna was one of the only two in his life who left him be and didn't expect him to respond. Without ever explaining it, Izuna had just understood, Sasuke wouldn't speak and bugging him about it would only make him less likely to speak again at all. This was why when Sasuke was feeling especially hopeless (even more than usual) he would find himself gravitating to whereever Izuna was and simply sitting there with him until he felt okay to be alone again.

_What a life,_ Sasuke thought sadly as he lost himself again.

* * *

"Uncle?" Itachi called as he entered Madara and Izuna's bedroom.

"Itachi." Madara greeted, turning around to meet the eyes of his eldest nephew.

"Has Izuna gone to make breakfast already?" He questioned, glancing around the room, not seeing his other uncle in sight, though he guessed he could have been in the bathroom.

"Yes. Did you wish to speak about Sasuke?" Itachi glanced at his uncle in surprise, about to question him how he had known, but then realized, it was obvious. Izuna had an extremely different outlook on Sasuke and his behavior than Itachi and Madara did so it was often impossible to discuss without things ending in an argument, leading Izuna to often be left out of their little meetings about Sasuke. Itachi had said nothing so Madara spoke again, "It's his birthday at the end of the week."

"I know. Did you think I'd forget?" Itachi scoffed.

"No, but it was more of a question of, what are we doing than a statement to make you aware of it." Madara answered, his tone slightly harsher as he was slightly off put by the disrespectful air to Itachi's words. Things had been tense all around the Uchiha home since _that night._ Pitiful, Madara scolded himself, unamused with the fact that he couldn't even think directly about what had happened. Instead he always saw it as _that night_, or the _Sasuke incident_.

"I apologize, uncle." Itachi stated sincerely before continuing, "I think we should go ahead with the pary we originally had planned for Sasuke."

"Itachi, how can we be sure that's the best? He may not react well."

"I think he just needs some form of normalcy in his life. Things haven't been the same between I and him, him and his friends, him and anyone . This might be what could bring him back to reality. A night with him and his friends, a night to remind him of all the memories - the good ones." Itachi always had a way with words and made things seem so logical and reasonable that even Madara couldn't argue against him usually. In this case, he found himself swayed to agreeing with his nephew's thoughts.

"I hope you're right," Madara stated simply. "Now come, let's go eat breakfast."

* * *

Sasuke's morning had been relatively easy for once. Izuna had persuaded Itachi and Madara to join him in the pool so Sasuke had been left alone. The pressure he felt was eased for a while, but it was now later in the afternoon and Sasuke's peace was being interrupted.

"Sasuke!" The sound of Naruto's loud voice met Sasuke's ears and his eyes moved to the blonde boy who was bouncing excitedly towards him. "It's your birthday soon." Naruto told him, as if he'd have forgotten or something. When Sasuke didn't react to him the blonde gave up.

"Hello, Sasuke." This was from the one other person besides Izuna who would leave him to his silence. He would greet him of course, it was only polite, but other than that Gaara expected nothing. Sasuke glanced to Gaara, his obsidian eyes briefly meeting the seafoam green ones of his redheaded friend, before his attention returned to what he had been doing before he'd been interrupted - which was staring blankly at the wall across from where he was seated on the couch. He was sure there were others there along with Naruto and Gaara, he heard their greetings but he'd spared all the attention he could already so they didn't even register with him.

The Uchiha living room was filled with life and noise for a while. Gaara and Neji sat together on the couch Sasuke was on speaking to one another though about nothing of importance, just anything that came up, while Naruto and Kiba were running about, tackling and hitting at each other. It was annoying Sasuke greatly, but he did nothing.

Eventually, Kiba was tired out, Gaara and Neji were no longer speaking and Sasuke was fed up. He stood up, intending to leave without interruption, but his arm was grabbed and so he simply stopped.

"Guys, we should get going but you go on ahead, I'll catch up in a minute." Naruto said as a clear dismissal of them. Kiba shrugged and gave a wave to Sasuke as he left the Uchiha's home. Neji and Gaara both gave the exact same warning look to Naruto before exiting together, not bothering to say anything to the Uchiha, they knew their only response would be silence anyway.

Sasuke had intended to go up to his room, wanting to be alone again, but he knew if he continued with his plan Naruto would only follow him. And the blonde idiot had already proved his ability to get inside his room even when he wasn't wanted, so Sasuke made things easier for them both by shaking Naruto's grip off his arm then turning to retake his seat on the couch.

"Sasuke," Naruto began, seeming to have no clue what he was going to say but he intense and determined at the same time. Although he wouldn't respond, Sasuke figured the least he could do was let the blonde know he was listening, so he moved his gaze to Naruto, watching him struggle to find words. In a flash Naruto was standing directly in front of Sasuke, his hands resting on the raven's shoulders as he gazed intensely into his dark eyes. Conflict was clearly still waging within Naruto, but then there was a sudden aggression that appeared on the blonde's face and this time nothing else seemed to be fighting off that emotion. Sasuke closed his eyes just as Naruto began shaking him, his grip tight on his shoulders. Sasuke was sure there would be bruises - not that he even cared.

"Say something," Naruto demanded. "Don't just sit there! Look at me!" Sasuke ignored him, his eyes remaining shut and his body limp as he was shaken by his blonde friend. Naruto's aggression increased and his yelling got louder. Sasuke almost laughed in his face. It seemed Naruto had a breaking point too. "Say something!" Naruto screamed at him for a final time, though it was clear his demand was a beg at the same time.

Sasuke opened his mouth, making the attempt, but nothing came out. He just couldn't. Or maybe he just wouldn't? They had to realize what he was trying to tell them eventually, right? Even if he had to tell them through silence.

* * *

**I'd love to see a review, even if you didn't like it, any sort of feedback is appreciated.**

**-MorganAnnUchiha**


End file.
